Yeah, I’ve neglected this, I’m sorry.

Things have been crazy for some reason, lately.

I quit my job so I haven’t been up to much.

My best friend, Marc, came and visted from Washington this weekend. That was a lot of fun, I really miss him.

I’m hoping to move to Austin on the 25th, if I can get this apartment. If not… I’m not really sure.

I’m kind of scared about it all because it’s so close… but I don’t know, I’m trying to keep it simple and real.

I think life can be so intimidating. I’m not even sure why… I think for me it’s fear of failure and fear of screwing over other people, like my parents or brothers/sisters and my friends.

A lot of people are moving away. It was weird because tonight we went and got some coffee with a bunch of people who are moving and it was kind of depressing… just thinking I probably wont see those people again, or for a long time at least. My brother is moving to denver next month (!!!), Colin is moving to Norman with Sam. I’m moving to Austin. Marc lives in Washington. I don’t want to lose these people. I know it’s inevitable… I just don’t want to accept that for my life and our relationships…  It’s all very frightening.

I feel bad for Stephanie because she’s pretty much the only one staying in OKC… and that’s hard on her because we’re the people who encourage her and stick with her… I will miss her.

Jesse, Colin, and I started planning our bike trek from Chicago to L.A. via the historic Route 66. It’s something like 2,500 miles and we’re wanting to do it in about a month. It’s all very exciting… It gives me something to look forward to. I think I need something like that in my life.

I really need to get right with G-d. I know, compared to a lot of other people, I’m a saint… but it’s not so. I have been avoiding doing stuff for my own wellbeing. I think I blogged about this a while back but it’s still something I need to work on. I have been doing what I do because of self preservation and because I’m selfish. not out of a deep love for the Father G-d in heaven. I have been listening sermons from Mars Hill Church. It’s encouraging for me because the pastor, Mark, doesn’t mind telling you to get your act together and grow up. I need something like that. I need to read my bible and get over myself and love. I need to feel G-d’s love for me and I need to give it up for Him. I need to change myself, I need to let Him change me. I feel like I’ve been living in this… state of my life where I can’t seem to get things moving… I need some sort of catalyst to push me. I need something that makes me really choose.

As silly as it sounds I want to be presented with something that’s like “Either you go here and do what you want or you go here and do what G-d wants you to do.” I want to be presented with a very clear choice. Maybe, I am… maybe I’m belittling the decisions I make now… maybe I’m belittling them because I don’t want to have to think about it.

I don’t know. Please pray for me. Pray that things start rolling.

I’ll post a bunch of pictures from this weekend sometime soon.

I promise.