I’ve been out more than usual, lately.

Usually I don’t go to work until like 3:15 and I don’t get back until about 10:30 but I usually don’t ride my bike. But I’ve been riding my bike to work and it’s so much more fun and so much more satisfying. I feel better than people in their cars. Not because I’m saving the planet or supporting evil companies but because I feel like I’m getting more out of life and I feel like I’m enjoying it more than they are. 

But anyways, when I bike I try to leave my house pretty early like 2 or so (It takes about 30 minutes to ride to work) and I try to meet up with Sherman and Robert. (Sherman is a busboy at work who rides his bike everywhere. Robert is the saute guy at work and lives pretty close to work and sometimes rides his bike) So it’s been pretty fun and everything, riding my bike and hanging out with people. 
It’s hell’a windy and humid out so I’m not sure if I’ll ride today but I want to.

I also have an ingrown toenail and that sucks pretty bad. Hopefully that’ll heal up soon.

And I’m reading the man who was thursday by G. K. Chesterton.

It’s really good so far. About anarchists and stuff.

juxtaposition

So, I started a book by G. K. Chesterton called Orthodoxy. 
It’s really good so far. I read most of the first chapter then started it over. He’s very wordy and sometimes hard to read but the content is groundbreaking, for me. I won’t go into the content of the book, really, just the ideas I’ve been bouncing around.

Mostly I’ve been trying to find a balance between faith and reason. I know both are extremely important, without one the other is useless. But, I think the past half year or so I’ve been putting alot of emphasis on the reason and logic behind everything and trying to figure everything out. I had to figure out G-d. I had to figure out the whole predestination thing, I had to be able to break down everyone else’s argument and such. I got so carried away in the reasoning behind everything I left no room for mystery and wonder. I tried to cram everything into my head, I tried to make infinite things comprehensible and finite. 

Needless to say, it didn’t work out and I can’t figure everything out and I can’t fit everything into my logical orders and such. That’s where faith comes in. I’m not talking about unreasonable blind faith but rather healthy reasonable faith. I have faith in G-d because I find much reason to, I see reason to believe in a god, specifically the Judeo-Christian G-d. But I can’t explain it all and I can’t reason it all.

Jew’s have a saying when discussion “contradictions” with G-d or theology: they say “On one hand…. And on the other hand…”. They know G-d is too big for them to get their minds around completely and His ways and actions are often completely beyond us and we need to accept that. 

I suppose it’s very humbling for me because I’m very pragmatic and logical (or at least try to be) and it’s hard for me to accept some mystery and wonder in my life and especially in my philosophy but I’m learning to, and it’s not that bad… 

 

“Poetry is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite. The result is mental exhaustion.

… The poet only desires exaltation and expansion, a world to stretch himself in. The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is the head that splits. “

- G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy 

love

The more I read and talk about Jesus’ teachings the more convicted I am. I suppose that’s how it’s supposed to be. When the Pharisees were trying to trap or confuse Jesus they asked Him what the greatest commandment was. 

Jesus answered, “Hear O Israel! The Lord our G-d is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your G-d with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. 

The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”

And I know there are plenty of sermons and such on these verses. I have heard many people (including myself) talk about how simple it is. But I don’t think simple means easy. It’s straightforward, yes, but the implications are huge and the manifestations of these two “simple” teachings are life changing. for me at least.

I have the hardest time loving G-d and others. I fear G-d, I believe in Him. I even follow most of His teachings… but I know I don’t love Him as much and in the ways I should. “If you love me you will follow my commandments.” Now, I’m a relatively moral person, but in all honesty it’s because I know the reason I do or don’t do what I do or don’t do is because I know it’s best for me. It’s because I love myself and I am scared of G-d. I don’t want Him to zap me when I screw up. and I have a philosophy that tells me the bible  has the correct grasp on reality so I know if I follow those teachings, for the most part, it’ll go well with me. for instance I know that if I don’t have sex before I’m married I’ll have a more enjoyable marriage and I won’t be guilty and I won’t knock up some chick and I won’t get stds. and if I do G-d will infest me with crabs or something. I know that if I tell the truth people will have better respect for me and I won’t be questioned as much. Essentially I do “the right thing” it’ll go well with me.  

Now, I do want to follow G-d’s laws and serve Him out of love… just love. not fear or self preservation. and I do a little… just a little. 

Hopefully that’ll make sense.

and then there’s the second part. about loving my neighbor as myself. (which is really included in the greatest commandment.) anyways. I’m pretty bad at this one.

part of it is because I (sometimes not on purpose) feel like I need to not show emotion and love too much. so I come across as tough and manly or something. not true, but it’s something I need to deal with.

Another thing is I don’t have a healthy relationship with Jesus. and to quote the great theologian  Aaron Weiss “A glass can only spill what it contains.” and I just need to accept Jesus’ love for me. so I can spill it on others. I think I’ve been asking G-d to move me to somewhere I can love and serve others better but ignoring the huge opportunity I have where I am and what I’m doing. See, servers and cooks don’t get along. at all. or they aren’t supposed to. It’s just the way things are supposed to be. cooks hate servers because they ring in ridiculous tickets and special orders and they’re the messengers with complaints and such. servers hate cooks because cooks are assholes. that’s kind of the balance. it’s not really different at the Metro. But I’m trying to be the peace maker. I’m seeing that servers aren’t stupid, they’re just the messenger. and they don’t like the difficult tables anymore than we do. and they don’t try to make our lives miserable. and cooks really are assholes. 

So all that to say, against all odds I see G-d has put me where I am to love those people. all of them, cooks and servers, dishwashers and busboys. everyone I have a hard time loving. and I’ve been trying the past week or so and it’s really neat. The kinder I try to be the nicer and more interesting these people really are. There’s this one server, Josh, who all the cooks hate. I started talking to him about poetry and he gave me some names of some really good poets. turns out he isn’t stupid or anything I thought. He’s a cool guy. and I’m seeing that the faster we look over the shortcomings of people and start investing and loving them the better person we end up and the better person they really are.

 

anyways, sorry for the ramblings and nonsensical stuff. I’m not yet a good writing I just need to get my thoughts out there.

The lesson of this story is love G-d. love others. it’s not easy and it’s not often not ‘cool’ but it’s worth it and it’s what’s best.

 

 

 

So… new blog. I’ll try to update and keep it real.

 

The past couple days I’ve been struggling a lot with my future and G-d’s will for me. I really just need guidance. I’ve been asking alot of questions and trying to figure everything out. Such as; Should I move? Should I change jobs or professions? Etc etc.

I’m trying to trust G-d more and not worry so much and just love people.

It’s not going to be easy but I think it’ll be better.

 

In other news:

I’m still voting for Ron Paul.

I’m also trying to find a bumper sticker, for when I buy my dad’s car, that says “It’s not left vs right. It’s you vs the state”. If you find one of those stickers I will pay you money.